i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
