We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize