went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
