Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize