I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
