The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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