you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
