she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
