OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
