you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
