i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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