My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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