giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
