the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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