I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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