Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
