I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
