I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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