i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
