He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
