whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
