Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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