Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize