I've blown a few things in my day
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
