where are you?
Hypothermia
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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