i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
