i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
