just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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