One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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