i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize