Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
