I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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