I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
