you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
