Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
