i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She bit a glass in half.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
