I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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