Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
