i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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