the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
