First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
