he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
