I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
