his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
