I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
