So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
