I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize