A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
