youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
