Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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