I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
