i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
