I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
