My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
