True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
