Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
