I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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