Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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