I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize