A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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