ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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