Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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