I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your cock deserves a montage
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
