recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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