i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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