The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
