Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
