Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
