At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am spending my child support on dildos
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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