I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
